Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Lets Keep the IRS as a Weapon against Dissent, at Least Until a Democrat is Elected

Kentucky Progress had a little blurb about how the Fair Tax and elimination of the income tax would actually be good for us, since the IRS could no longer hold an organization's religious exemptions against them when churches want to endorse Republican candidates. It made some good points about how the elimination of charitable exemptions wouldn't hurt charities because most people do not itemize anyway. But it failed to highlight one possible nefarious outcome of this, which I will address later. First, the Liberal Smackdown.

Anonymous Liberal Coward says:
Using "Fair Tax" to officially integrate the religious fundalmentalist into the Republican Party.

Not what either Thomas Jefferson (diest)or Madison had in mind as our founding fathers.

I do not even have to smack them down myself, Mr. KY Progress is right there to do it for me (Of course, it is HIS blog):
Are you suggesting the original intent of the First Amendment was to limit it by allowing political opponents to use the IRS as a weapon? How very fascist of you!

(In case you didn't get the memo, 'Fascist' is one of our new buzzwords, and it should be used liberally against Liberals any chance we get.)

But it then occurs to me how truly dangerous this is. So I warn us:
My fear is that what you are suggesting would also unyoke the welfare promoting, gay accepting, terrorist sympathizing anti-war, "so called churches" like the Episcopalions or the Quakers.

It took me a long time to accept that liberals do not in fact burst into flames when they enter a holy house of worship. Some even participate regularly. A few are deluded into thinking that their convictions drive their liberalism.

The most blasphemous of the sickos even think Jesus was a liberal. Such a move might not be the windfall we conservatives might think it is.

If we remove our ability to "use the IRS as a weapon", what check or balance will there be when they pull out their "hate speech" gun when we point out that gay people are going to hell?

For exposing the twisted inner workings of the sick liberal mind, Your Welcome America.

Your Humble Servant,
Rob R. Baron ~ Esquire

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Freedom from Terrorists

Dear America,
The Paducah Sun today carried a letter to the editor that said it all: "In America, if you are not doing anything wrong, you should not complain about what our government is doing to keep you safe from terrorists. You are not losing a freedom; you are more safe, and gain freedom from terrorists."

Subscribers can view it here (everyone else can just suck it, the Paxtons are true oil loving, big pharma accommodating, industrial-apologist conservatives). This is the epiphany that we are looking for to happen all across the country. There is so much we can do with sentiment like that.

If everybody who spoke badly of the current administration were just shipped off to the Middle East for rendering, it wouldn't be losing a freedom; it would be gaining freedom from terrorist sympathizers.

If the press needed to get approval from the administration in order to print something, that would not be losing a freedom, it would be gaining freedom from the terrorists getting encouragement from the liberal media.

If the Congress wanted to pass a law outlawing the religion of the Anti-Semitic Bacon Haters, it would not be losing a freedom; it would be gaining a freedom from the Johnny Jihad's that might be recruited otherwise.

If guns were outlawed, it would not be losing a freedom; it would be gaining freedom from domestic terrorists being able to arm themselves. Of course, there would be exemptions for canned quail and dove hunts. And concealed carry permits.

If warrants were no longer required to search homes, it would not be losing a freedom, it would be gaining freedom from terrorists feeling like they can feel safe lying in their beds at night.

If you aren't doing anything wrong, you have nothing to fear. Unless, of course, you are some scumbag liberal Democrat. Who knows, maybe you are one "mis-typed" address away from some "gained freedom" yourself. We've been through your mail and we know who you are, you sick degenerate liberal. Yeah, you liberal-ass punk. I'm talking about you. You know who you are.

For putting the liberals on notice, Your Welcome America.

Your Humble Servant,
Rob R. Baron ~ Esquire

Monday, August 28, 2006

Hiatus Interuptus: The Sleeper Has Awaken!

Dear America,
I'm back. I can't say much yet. The dark stench of liberalism that was picked up at the festival coats me like the skanky sheen of hickory wood smoke and beer sweat exuding from my pores at this moment. Please forgive my short post as I must of course go bath myself.

O' the horror, the horror. If only the purifying waters of Kentucky Lake had risen up to drown this liberal abomination, but she was not up to the task. Probably down at the welfare office getting a check for it's bastard child: Lake Barkley (Named after a democrat, no less).

Oh well, there is always next year.

Sorry to have failed you America,

Your Humble Servant,
Rob R. Baron ~ Esquire

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Short Term Hiatus: Desparately Testing Hops Inoculations Against the the Rockin' Pneumonia and the Boogie-Woogie Flu

Dear America,
I'm am off to infiltrate a local gathering of liberals at the Kenlake Hot August Blues and Barbeque Festival. I hope to dig up some good liberal dirt and expose some liberal conspiracies down there by going deep under cover amongst them. Sadly, there is no series of internet tubes down there from which to post from, at least where I will be, deep in the heart of darkness, infiltrating the bohemian degenerates at the campground.

The bad news is that I may not be able to post for a few days, for reasons weakly comparable to how some elite shootists have to take laxatives and enimas to clear their bowels before going on a mission, this will be my last post until I recover from the hops-induced fog of liberalism I might be called on to overcome this weekend. I hope that won't leave you a'mad-jonesing for the primo hit that is the Rob R. Baron ~ Esquire. Wish me luck.

Anyway, Blues Music is a particularly blasphemous and Big-Labor-promoting kind of music. That might make it the most dangerous form of music known to man. It pretends to reinforce the wages of sin, but it uses the explicit rhythms of depraved sexuality to do so. Bill Clinton played blues on his saxophone. Need I say more?

If I do, it would be that a saxophone is just a little too creepily-phallic for me to be comfortable with watching another man play. His lips up against the the hard reed, slightly softened from the warm rain of his own spit, recieving the luxurious ministrations of his mouth, building up ever faster in tempo until the final "resolution". It is for these reasons that I am almost positive that saxophones are part of some gay or European agenda to destroy our families, no doubt about it. It is almost like it is just calling out "Choose to be Gay! Choose to be Gay!".

In previous years, I have merely spied on the liberals from my yacht out in the Kenlake bay overlooking the amphitheater, with a lot of my fellow Republican Patriots, just to make sure nobody starts singing 'Helter Skelter', or Mick Jagger music and signaling the start of the rioting and looting. Though usually a little tainted by the end of the weekend for my vigilance, I took comfort in that at least I did not have to actually pay money for tickets that would support whatever vices gave those musicians 'The Blues' in the first place.

If blues musicians everywhere would allow me to give them just one single piece of advice it would be these three words: "Stop dating whores." Just Say No. Just by following that one simple rule, 50% of 'The Blues' is exterminated from the earth in ways Rachel Carson couldn't even dream of. But even when the liberals get such advise for free like they like it, and from some of the wisest people on earth, chances are they will still reject it. Pearls before swine and all that.

But at the Hot August Blues Festival, the dryness of the county works to the conservative advantage. Sometimes the musicians are cognigent enough (at least early in the set) to recognize us in the boats for our principled stand, and in that moment of clarity will acknowledge others like me out in the bay. It is almost like whatever good there is left within them is calling out from the dim haze of whiskey, smack, or the killer Michoacan, like the sprite of Hope, whose wing was trapped in Pandora's box when she slammed the lid shut after unleashing all the Evils upon the world. They will say something to the effect of "Hey Everybody out there on the water".

This never seems to go unnoticed by one particularly obnoxious, and obviously inebriated liberal who always at this time seems to yell out "Screw the boat people, they didn't buy any Gosh-Danged tickets!" (edited for family consumption).

However, this year I will be going undercover into the unwashed, sweaty, filthy, secular-music loving, hedonistic hive of liberalism that is the Kenlake Hot August Blues and Barbeque Festival, and I mean deep undercover. I might even 'pretend' to "join in the love train, everybody round the world, join in.." (which is obviously some liberal-clued UN indoctrination anthem). That is, should one of the degenerate liberal performers bust out in that song. And I will be looking for him. Oh yes, I will be looking.

So if you go, be you a liberal hedonist or a backsliding conservative, know that someone is watching, and the stink of sun-bleached liberalism will follow you long after the Marshall stacks have been unplugged and the Corcidan bottles stored in their cases. That is how it should be.

America, I don't care what you can do for me, but I am happy to do this for you. As always, you are welcome.

Your Humble Servant,
Rob R. Baron ~ Esquire

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Evilutionists are Wrong Again, "Hobbits" are Really Just Pygmies

Dear America,
Part I|Part II

Evilutionists are proved wrong once again. The absence of hairy feet should have clued them in. How much more will they have to be proved wrong about before Darwin becomes a footnote in scientific history like the alchemists and astrologists of yore. Much to the chagrin of liberals everywhere, I am going to expose Evilution as the widespread secular fundamentalist conspiracy that it is.

Frist, they got the Marxist college professors to sign on. Second, they indoctrinated the socialist teacher unions and educrats. Third, the educrats instituted the requirement of more and more liberal indoctrination and soon almost every non-private school teacher was subjugated. Then they turned their attention to the kids. Frist step for the students was to keep them from praying, which left them wide open for the spiritual assault of the godless secular cognitive dissonance that passes for public education these days. Remove all competitive inclinations to succeed, like grades, and replace it with a lot of feel-good, politically correct, brain-mushing, "Johnny Has Two Daddies" gobbledy-gook.

This is what has come to pass. The next phase, yet to be, will be the UN mandated outlawing of religion, and not just the false ones such as the one the Hollywood liberal disciples of a certain Science-Fiction-Writer-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named follow, or the one the polygamists follow. Or Episcopalians. And that other "religion of peace" religion that has got me too scared to even name for fear of being mistaken for a Van Gogh or worse, one of their own raped sisters or daughters. Lets just call them the Anti-Semitic Bacon Haters (to distinguish them from the Original Bacon Haters).

Anyway, then they come for our guns and once we are defenseless they impose a world government with the black helicopters. Everybody then has to get to get a barcode on their forehead or one of those microchips implanted that they are trying out on dogs and cats these days. [Their] Mission Accomplished.

Then it's game over, man. Game over. Unless your one of the lucky 143, 999. You know who you are. ;-)

Part I|Part II

Also along the lines of Evilution, the Wall Street Journal gave me the best news all week. Liberals aren't breeding. My guess is that the STDs that they catch in their deviant sex orgies has rendered a lot of them sterile. Of course the homosexuals can't breed. Many Liberals are on the run from the law for drug or sex offences or nonpayment of child support (a.k.a. the bastard tax) and can't set down roots long enough to have a family. That is if they were one of the few liberals not too selfish to stop thinking about only themselves. Face it, childbirth just doesn't fit into the "if it feels good, just do it" philosophy that liberals live by.

This is a good thing because as time progresses the genes of liberalism will be distilled into a smaller and smaller gene pool that will get more and more isolated over time. This will reinforce whatever mutations caused them to be born liberal and they will get ever increasingly pro-Abortion and family hating until one day they are no longer even recognizable as a human being any more. The accumulation of liberal genes will reach a point when they will no longer be able to even breed successfully with regular humans, but only with other degenerate liberals. We will see them then merely as another type of animal. Hopefully, there will be open season, just like most other varmits. Just Kidding (In that Ann Coulter kind of way).

For exposing Evilution for the Cold War Communistic LEFT-OVER that it is, Your Welcome America.

Your Humble Servant,
Rob R. Baron ~ Esquire

Monday, August 21, 2006

Karl Rove: Crazy as a Mad Hatter, or Crazy like a FOX (viewer)

Dear America,
Sometimes, I must admit, that I occasionally momentarily fall into the liberal trap of questioning the wisdom of our president. One such issue bugging me lately has been the retention of Karl Rove in the Whitehouse staff. Today I thought this when I read about Mr. Roves erratic behavior at a Republican fund raiser.

Frist, there is the location, Austin Texas. This is not only one of the biggest liberal snake dens in Texas, but the nation as well. In fact, it was in large part to Austin's liberalacity that "the Hammmer" Tom Delay saw fit to split it up seven ways to drive a righteous Republican stake through the parasitic liberal vampire of Texas that is Austin. Austin is actually number 3 on the list of American cities that Bill Orielly says is OK for terrorists to attack, after San Francisco and Berkley California. (Las Vegas would be number 3, but Bill likes the slots and whores too much, and who doesn't?). So the question remains: Why would Karl Rove go to Austin, to raise money for us? It's almost as kooky as going to the desert to fish.

Second, there is the way he conducted himself, as if he might be losing his mind. When crazy islamofaschist sympathizers try their hand at preemptive invasion and stormed into the event only to be arrested, Crazy Karl asked the GOP group's executive director, Pat Robbins "Pat, did you get her check before she left?" I'm not making this up. I only wished I was.

He then goes on to say "I don't question the patriotism of our critics." What??? Our assistant Commander in Chief recently announced that Lamont's primary win was a victory for "Al-Qaeda types", and Rove pulls the rug out from under him and says he doesn't question the Democrat's patriotism? Is this the same guy who once said "liberals saw the savagery of the 9-11 attacks and wanted to prepare indictments and offer therapy and understanding for our attackers" (no doubt through some socialized-medicine health plan)? If they are not with us, they are against us THEN, and if they are not with us, they are against us NOW.

Crazy Karl continued with a statement that shows that he may be softening on his social conservative hard line. "Many of [ THE islaMofaschist sympathizers] are hardworking public servants who are doing the best they can. Some of [ THE islaMofaschist sympathizers] are people looking for a free meal." It's almost like he wants to set up a soup kitchen for liberals or something, but actually what is more damaging was that he called a $250 dinner a "free meal." This just gives the class-warfare-invoking liberals ammunition. Sure, I, like Mr. Rove, think a $250 meal is "practically free," and the RNC might have even comped HIS dinner, but there are pods* out there whom we still allow to vote that don't make that in a week and you can't always count on THEM hating abortionists and terrorists (am I being redundant?) enough to ALWAYS pull the (R) lever like we want them to.

Finally, I don't know why Karl Rove does not show his support for Marriage and Family by getting married and having kids. The stinky sin of deliberate childless-ness hangs around his neck like a long dead, maggot infested, family-hating albatross. Mr. President, if you are reading this, as I am sure you or the NSA sometimes do, please for the sake of conservatism, consider giving crazy Karl Rove the Colin Powell treatment out the door. I also don't think he exercises like he should.

For smacking down a simple tool that has outlasted it's usefulness, Your Welcome America,

Your Humble Servant,
Rob R. Baron ~ Esquire

* Pods, of course, are the inhuman creatures who work for what the liberals call a non-"living wage," the same non-"living wage" that they try to force down our throats as an unfunded Federal Mandate in the form of the "Minimum Wage".

Friday, August 18, 2006

Liberal Limbo II

Dear America,
More on C-J's weak moment of fair and balancedness. Children please leave the room. Some sick vicious liberal is attacking a dead man like some brain eating zombie:
Reaganomics 'shame'

I read with interest the "Liberals' responsibility" letter regarding homelessness. Its bent is very distorted.

The Great Society did not result in homelessness in America. As usual, conservatives have their heads in the sand about their role in creating America's shame, homelessness.

Reaganomics and, more specifically, the Gramm-Rudman Act were the architects. The HUD budget was cut by 75 percent, gutting public housing and practically eliminating Section 8 ( we are still not back to the levels lost), and community services block grants and work programs suffered major cuts.
... [Some Liberal Insanity Removed]

Barbara Icohahi

How low will they go indeed. If Reagan was so bad, why would we name the nation's flagship airport after him.

Another liberal smacked down, and your welcome America. Sweet dreams and Good night, and don't you let the liberals bite.

Your Humble Servant,
Rob R. Baron ~ Esquire

Great Society My A$$

Dear America,
The Courier Journal is like a bunch of liberal snakes unleashed upon a host of unwitting passengers that are the citizens of the plane that is our great Commonweath. Surprisingly though, they let a few gems of conservative wisdom through. Take for instance the Letter to the Editor that brave conservative patriot Robert sent them:

Liberals' responsibility

Why are we worried about the plight of single mothers? Your "Great Society" liberal Democratic president, Lyndon B. Johnson, gave all the young girls a welfare check when they had a baby and increased it with every baby.

Looks like the crisis was created by the liberal Democrats, but, surely, they couldn't have been wrong.

Robert ...
Liberty, KY


Preach it Brother Robert. Preach it. However, it was not long before the fountain of Liberal vile spews forth and some anonymous liberal coward post in the Story Chat section:

I guess we are worried about the plight of single mothers because of the absence of 'stand up men' who won't take responsibility for what they helped create. [Some liberal insanity removed] Maybe we can all rally together and start locating some of those deadbeat non-custodial parents on the list published Sunday in the C-J (just do a search for 'child support on the C-J, you can get the list there). If we can get some of them to step up, we can eliminate those pesky welfare payments!!!! Do your part, Mr .... start searching those last known addresses and try to collect the money on behalf of those children... then you won't have to worry so much about where your tax money is going!!!!


My fellow conservatives, and faithful readers, I have a confession to make, one that I am not proud of. When I was younger, there was a dark time of youthful indescretion in my personal life where I was sequestered at one of the ivory tower, liberal elitist indoctrination centers that David Horowitz describes in one of his latest exposés. I am ok now and it is something I try not to think of but it does qualify me to interpret liberal~speak. This is the profanity-censored analysis of what this one is really saying:

Frist, of course, there are the run-on sentences and the mispellings but it goes downhill from there. Next, there is the excusing of the harlotry, then there is blaming the victims whose only crime was to have testicles and "partaking" in the "milk" said harlots were giving away for free, followed by the call to vigilantee-ism, and finally repeating the liberal mantra of "don't ask questions about what we do with YOUR money after we take it from you," which is an idea born from the abominable and unnatural marriage of Feminazi-ism and Anarchy, and THIS is it's bastard child.

I am sorry for these women only in that they were probably not exposed to a decent faith based Abstinence Only class when they were in school.

But I was encouraged in that the CJ had actually had the California-Prefixed, Keeping-Up-with-Wannabees** to print such a choice conservative nugget of wisdom in the first place. Then I realized that, it being an election year, the liberal overlords in charge down there must have been out at some Democratic fundraiser helping the terrorists aquire domestic targets or promoting the gay agenda in our public schools.

For allowing me the chance to redeem the languistic centers of my brain that cannot be safely labotomized of liberal~speak, tonight America, I Thank You.

Your Humble Servant,
Rob R. Baron ~ Esquire

*No, A_____ This Is Not Me, I Swear
** California-Prefixed, Keeping-Up-with-Wannabees = CA-JONES [remove slash] (to keep this blog family-friendly I didn't want to explicitly use the Mexinvader word for testicles).

Old Gray Lady or Whore of Liberal Babylon?

Dear America,
Will Murphy has created a wonderful flash animation tool that exposes the New York Times as the filthy liberal rag that it is.

Link Note: You need to hover over the individual articles to see what their hidden meaning is.

Will Murphy - America Thanks You as I'm sure it is thanking me for providing this link. Your Welcome America.

Your Humble Servant,
Rob R. Baron ~ Esquire

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Higher MPG = Party of Death Conspiracy

Dear America,
A lot of folks are out there pontificating about a Democrat in the Whitehouse in 2008. Sometimes, it doesn't fill me with as much fear and trepidation as it does at others. It is at these times when I am looking back with nostalgia to the 90's when at certain times cooler conservative heads prevailed. One of these times was with the push for higher CAFE standards that would raise the mile per gallon requirements for the cars and trucks made here in the US.

Back then we conservatives saw this for the intrusive burden of Federal regulation that it is. We also saw it as an outgrowth of the Culture of Death that pervades the Democratic Party. Back then we conservatives knew that higher gas mileage came at the cost of less steal, less steal came at the cost less safety, less safety came at the cost of more death. The only way to make cars have higher MPG is to make them less safe! No wonder the Democrats were suggesting we raise CAFE standards. Therefore it followed, we conservatives should oppose it so as not to be a part of this blood sacrifice the Democrats wanted to make to whatever sick god they worship.

But it seems some folks have forgotten about that. Now certain fair weather conservatives are changing their minds. Now that gas is actually expensive, they think it's a good idea. They line up like sheep to sign on to this Faustian bargain.

It was a bad idea when Bill Clinton thought about it and it's a bad idea now. It almost saddens me to see that some inside the Whitehouse may have bought into this liberal poison. Before you know it, they might start trying to stop 'global warming'.


Your Welcome America.

Your Humble Servant,
Rob R. Baron ~ Esquire

*Yet Another Liberal Myth Exposed.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Limbo: Just How Low Can the Liberals Go

Dear America,
My local paper, the Murray Ledger, has a message board on its online site. Murray is a very conservative community and there are always a lot of patriots on there. One such patriot is Joe. Joe likes to post a lot and really sticks it to the liberals. One of his recent post is this:

The biggest reason this country is in bad shape is not the republicans, it's the terrorist around the world. I know there is no way to change a liberal's mind but that's the fact. I agree we are in trouble but how would a democrat handled it any differently. You probably say we shouldn't have went to Iraq, well a lot of young folks don't feel that way. If they did , they wouldn't be joining the military every day knowing that's where they are going. I think they are very patriotic. What would you call them, idiots for joining. The liberals think that way, just let the terrorist come and do anything to us that they want, we will just stand there and say go ahead, fly airplanes into our buildings and bridges, we won't do anything. Well the republicans responded and I back them at all cost for trying to protect the people.


For simply stating the obvious he is attacked by some vulturous liberal:
Joe, just exactly who are these liberals who want to "just let the terrorist come and do anything to us that they want." I don't even think Ted Kennedy, John Kerry, Howard Dean, Micheal Moore, Jesse Jackson, Jane Fonda or George Soros want THAT. They might want to "promote the gay agenda" and "take our guns" but they don't want THAT.

So who are you talking about? People who hold onto the hope that there is always a better solution than the slaughter of our fellow man, whether it be "justified" or not? People who really do think and pray about the issue and are led to question our reasons for going to war with Iraq? People who think that the blood of the patriots defending this nation should not be spent "liberally"? Those who think the responsible duty of a good citizen is to actually question and reasonably debate the merits of the decisions our democratically elected leaders make? Notice that I did not say anything about Afganistan, where the actual mastermind of the 9-11 attacks was actually hiding out, and whom we still have not found and brought to justice.

Has patriotism and loving our country really been reduced to what seems to be "chearleading for the home team", right or wrong? Perhaps your idea of civic responsibility does not match mine. But I sure don't think you hate America and love terrorists because you don't agree with me. I really wish you'd do the same.

Tag: BTI

America, this is the type of ignorance and arrogance we are up against. We present the facts and liberals distort some abstract concept of freedom as some weak emotional rebuttal to logic. I almost pity them in their ignorance, but refrain from said pity, aware that one day I might be called upon to b!?@#-slap them for their stupid silliness.

And if that time should come, pre-emptively, Your Welcome America,

Your Humble Servant,
Rob R. Baron ~ Esquire

*NATINMIS = No, A______. This Is Not Me, I Swear. :-)

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Is Al Gore Actually a Closet Conservative?

Dear America,
I was reading Hoover Institute fellow Peter Schweizer's article in the USA Today today and I came to a startling conclusion. Al Gore is possibly a closet conservative. I know what your thinking: "Now that's just kooky talk," but hear me out. Mr. Schweizer is the author of such scholarly tomes as Do As I Say (Not As I Do): Profiles in Liberal Hypocrisy. Anytime I see 'Liberal Hypocrisy' in the title, I know that I am in for a good read.

In the article, Schweizer outlines several things which he seems to think indicate examples of the aforementioned Liberal Hypocracy. But in the same actions that Schweizer list, I am starting suspect the actions of a cold blooded, conservative capitalist when you look at the things he points out. Take for example:
  • He flys around on a private jet.
  • He got someone else to pay for his pollution.
  • He owns multiple homes, one in excess of 10000 square feet.
  • Instead of actually doing something about energy concerns at home, he has a spokesman say they are "looking into it".
  • He chooses to put the bottom line before the environment.
  • He owns a buttload of oil company stocks. (I wish I did too, I sincerly regret not buying oil and Haliburton stock the moment our Commander in Chief took the Oath of Office.)
  • He gets money from a Zinc mine. Zinc. Talk about primo commodities.
  • He is the child of an entrenched political entity.
It was after reading this laundry list of accusations that I had an epiphiny. OMG, if you put it that way, he sounds just like George W. Bush!

I am starting to suspect Al Gore is merely promoting this apocalyptic fantasy of a movie as a way of driving up the value of his petroleum stock. But best of all he puts himself out there as a patsy for conservative pundits to hang the hat of hypocrisy on. He can play the martyr, while still profiting from things like subsidy money the government is giving oil companies. What a brilliant, Machievellian move, Mr. Gore.

Now that I have exposed you as the "capitalist dog" you are Mr. Gore, let me be the first to welcome you to the conservative cause. You might have only payed lip service to shrinking government when you were in office, but now you can safely come out of the "conservative closet." It now even makes sense why Ann Coulter called you "a total fag," because like most homophobes, she felt an unnatural attraction to you that she could not explain. It was because even she could sense, even if she could not articulate, that deep down you are one of us, if only in the sense of that way that cyborgs can ever really "belong".

Al, from this day forward, please strive to thine own self be true. Make sure that Zinc mine can continue to send you royalties in a business environment not saddled with the horrible yoke of government regulation. Help make sure your children can inherit your enourmous fortune. Help ensure that the oil company stock that you own can appreciate at a rate greater than inflation by leveling the playing field that they compete on against the environazis and regulationistas that thwart their every turn. Help ensure that you should only be beholden to the government of this nation a proportion of your income that is equal to all, be they fry cook or CEO or social worker or lawyer or teacher or banker.

Just come out as the conservative you know you are. Look deep into your heart and you will see a conservative staring back at you. You might as well. You are exposed Al Gore. Now reject the indoctrination of the ivory tower liberal elites and become the product of privelage and wealth that you are and admit it.

Your Welcome America.

Your Humble Servant,
Rob R. Baron ~ Esquire

John McCain: A Liability to the Conservative Movement?

Dear America,
Fellow conservative blogger KY Progress posted this blurb about John McCain appearing at Reception to benefit Kentucky Republican Senate Trust:
"Senator John McCain (R-AZ) will speak at a fundraiser for the KY Senate Republican Trust on Monday September 25, 2006."

This got me thinking about John McCain in general.

I fear how John McCain could possibly hurt the conservative movement. The problem is that he, and soon his own son, has served in the military. Liberals hate everyone who served in the military and have been known to form vicious PACs to defame the military records of those that have served and stand in their way. They say "He's the reason they invented fragging" and other such hateful things. I fear it is only a matter of time before they come after him, maybe even with Jane Fonda herself.

Of course there are so many other conservative war heros representing us in Washington, hopefully the liberals will take a while before they get to him.

Your Welcome America.

Your Humble Servant,
Rob R. Baron ~Esquire

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Setting Fellow Conservatives Straight on Gambling

Dear America,
My conservative conpatriot at KY Progress has bought into liberal delusions about the evils of the Casino Industry. Tonight I attempt to set him straight.

The issue at hand starts with a story about a slot machine on some sordid riverboat casino. Apparently it was stuck in payout mode and several miscreants recieved an illigitimate payout, which cost Caesar's almost a half a million dollars.

Apparently Mr. KY Progress believes depriving shareholders their rightful dividends is OK. He says:

"Best letter to the editor of the day from Conrad Reynolds of Louisville. Followed by some BBB drone suggesting that those stealing from casinos should obey the 8th commandment.

I thought that was funny."

Some chicken-&#!@ anonymous liberal spews forth:
Anonymous said...

So do you equate running a gambling establishment with being a thief? Is that why you thought it was funny?

7:34 PM

Kentucky Progress said...

Yeah, close enough. Casinos are fine entertainment for people with money to burn, I guess. But the main function of a casino is to prey on people who think they might win when the odds are actually stacked hopelessly against them. For people who operate like that to be surprised when they are taken advantage of themselves is surprising. I find that funny.

7:54 PM

At which time, I cannot let this liberal's libelous invective preclude me from reminding him what true conservative values are all about. So I post:
You liberals won't be happy until you become everyone's nanny! Here on the western end of the Kentucky, the Socialist Blagojevich taxes our casinos at a rate higher than any in the nation. When the casinos needed permits to provide those that wanted to work with good construction jobs building hotels, the Socialist Blagojevich stalled the process with beauracratic red tape, taking months to fill key positions on the gaming board. Which like a good Democrat, he filled with partisans, but THEIR attorney general is fine with that!

Casinos provide a product, just like Kentucky's tobacco farmers, that may be dangerous if used in excess, but should be available to all that love liberty. If I choose to bet my hard earned money on the outcome of some random process which I know is less than 50% how is that any different than investing on some new businesses that statistically will fail at a rate of 80%? I have not seen you rail against the evils of investing in new businesses. Remember, when gambling is outlawed only the outlaws will have gambling.

Most important of all, casinos don't hire drug addicts, even the executives pee into cups, they don't hire ex-criminals, they don't hire illegal immigrants, and they don't hire pods*. They never ask for government bailouts like the pension-burdened airline or auto industry. They suffer from a yoke of government regulation far greater than what Ronald Reagan deemed necessary for the Savings and Loan industry, which was in charge of people's savings for goodness sake. Casinos are merely collectors of what Dave Ramsey call's the "stupid tax" except the stupid tax that casinos collect actually goes into the public coffers where it can be doled out to our profitable corporate citizens that are in need of subsidies. Everybody wins.

Your welcome America,

Your Humble Servant,
Rob R. Baron ~ Esquire

*pods, of course, are the inhuman creatures who work for the non-"living wage," currently making $5.15 an hour, for whatever service that is so useless as to be worth only $5.15/hr.

Monday, August 07, 2006

Minimum Wage Smackdown

Dear America,
I was first inspired to start this blog upon having to explain to some poor liberal why raising the minimum wage would give comfort to the terrorists. This all transpired upon the comments of the fellow conservative blog KY Progress (Link) where a cowardly anonymous blogger asks:
Where has it be shown that inflation has gone significantly after a raise in the minimum wage?

To which I freely gave this sage lesson in economics:
If the pods, who's only ambition is to work for $5.15, recieve more money, when they go and spend it on cheap booze, it causes an increase in the demand for cheap booze. This causes the price of cheap booze to go up. Same thing with food. Or the pods will spend it on drugs and the subsequent crime causes higher costs to society in general, through policing, incarceration, and insurance costs.

As KY Progress says a min-wage increase will benefit noone, not even the pods who get these ridiculous raises.

In the end, we all end up paying more because some liberal politicians want to threw their unambitious constituents a bone. Little do they realize that pods don't even have the ambition to vote.

Our politicians seem to have forgotten who they work for. They need to remember just exactly who it is that's buying the $500 plates at the fundraising luncheons they like to have. They need to remember who is sending them those campain contributions. It sure as heck ain't anybody on minimum wage.

Now, On a completely, absolutely, positively unrelated subject, we need to do something about all those illegal immigrants.

Of course, there was the dysfunctional liberal troll who just doesn't get it:
Who are the "pods"?

Talk about clueless. So I explained:
Since the liberals say that $5.15 is not a living wage, those working for it must not be human. I therefore refer to them as "pods" and hold them in nothing but contempt for their lack of ambition and their drain on society.

If they deserved more money they would get it if they asked for it, or find another employer who would pay what they deserve. But instead they run to their liberal legislators and pay their liberal minimum wage lobbyists to draft this feel-good PC legislation to force employers to pay them more.

While I normally am against tax increases, I say if this passes we should hit its recipients hard with a $2 an hour tax hike to pay for those social services that they use at a much higher rate than the rest of the taxpayers. Alternatively, we could use this hike to fund subsidies for corporations who have proved themselves to be profitable, such as the subsidies that Exxon and other oil companies recieved last year.

Unfortunately, since the pods pay so little in taxes in the first place it will hardly make a dent.

Another cowardly poster states the obvious:
So America's poor are "pods"?

At which time the site's curator noblely comes to my defense:
"Most of the nation's poor make $8-$15/hour. They are neither "pods" nor minimum wage earners. The point about many who would make more money if they only worked harder is valid, if not very politically correct.

A lot of the teenagers who make minimum wage are overpaid at that."

At this point, another cowardly anonymous liberal chimes in with his intellectual chum:
So, in an ideal society Kentucky Progress believes no right thinking adult should work at Wal-Mart. Therefore, making those jobs available to teenagers with spending cash, immigrants and retirees with time on their hands.

At which time I deliver the intellectual coupe de gras (PLEASE forgive my french):
Wrong again liberal. The CEO of Wal-Mart actually want's the minimum wage increased. They generally pay better than minimum wage so that they can suck the better skilled and more ambitious pods off of their competition.

By getting the minimum wage up to what they are generally paying already, they are not hurt one bit. Their pod employing competitors however are then at a disadvantage and will suffer while Walmart continues to prosper in what is basically the same business environment for them.

Just like bootleggers lining up with preachers whenever a wet/dry vote comes around, some big businesses actually get behind the min-wage increase.

Smart businessman like those running Wal-Mart know this is going to happen every 10 or 20 years and take steps to make it an advantage. Bad businessman, instead of working it into their profit margins like fire or flood insurance, just scream about how many pods they will have to fire or won't be able to hire.

At which time the liberal din was squashed.

Your welcome America.

Your humble servant,
Rob R. Baron ~ Esquire


Dear America,
I, Rob R. Baron - Esquire, do first set forth upon this day of August 7, 2006 my intention to conquer and subjugate the liberal blogsphere with my conservative logic, morals and wit, which we all know liberals do not posess. I know it will be like shooting quail on a canned hunt, but I feel like this is a calling to a journey that I must take. The liberal media distorts the playing field, much the same way the forced federal mandate of steel shot distorts the shooting of quail from the lead shot ideal. Yet I know I must somehow percivere so that future generations are not burdened by the horrible yoke of liberalism that burdens modern society.

I intend to use within this blog everything that I learned from Coulter, O'Rielly, Hannity, Limbaugh, Malkin, Dobson, Robertson, Beck, Savage (Micheal not Dan), Ingrahm, Reagan (Micheal and Ronald), Liddy, North, Horowitz, Gingrich, Bennet, Delay, Rove, Santorum, and hopefully the next Majority Leader for the Senate of the United States, Mitch McConnell, to expose the left and the Democratic Party for the sorry bunch of America hating, baby killing, gun banning, criminal coddling, gay agenda promoting, minority courting, anti-Christian, historical revisionist, secular fundamentalist humanist, wealth redistributing, welfare promoting, tax & spend, flag burning, troop unsupporting, terrorist loving, liberal liberals that they are.

I am your humble servant,
Rob R. Baron ~ Esquire