Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Blood Pudding: A British Abomination and Liberal Plot

Dear America,
One of the liberals that I am currently monitoring recently asked this:
"Dear America,
How is it that roughly a third of your people claim some sort of Irish/Scots-Irish ancestry and yet you refuse to stock black and/or white pudding in your groceries?"
I know how you don't mind me speaking on your behalf. Here was my reply:
Well, I do speak for America, the real America, not the fake one that elects Democratic majorities, so I can tell you that it is because of our Judeo-Christian roots.

I am sure that you, as one of the ivory tower liberal elite, have little knowledge of scripture besides what is required to burn it so let me inform you what the Bible says about it:

"...the blood thereof, shall ye not eat." - Genesis 9:4

"Therefore I said unto the children of Israel, No soul of you shall eat blood, neither shall any stranger that sojourneth among you eat blood."

"So when any man from the sons of Israel, or from the aliens who sojourn among them, in hunting catches a beast or a bird which may be eaten, he shall pour out its blood and cover it with earth."

"For it is the life of all flesh; the blood of it is for the life thereof: therefore I said unto the children of Israel, Ye shall eat the blood of no manner of flesh: for the life of all flesh is the blood thereof: whosoever eateth it shall be cut off."
- Leviticus 17:12-14

"For it seemed good to the Holy Ghost, and to us, to lay upon you no greater burden than these necessary things; That ye abstain from meats offered to idols, and from blood, and from things strangled, and from fornication: from which if ye keep yourselves, ye shall do well" - Acts 15:28-29

Notice it says to pour out the blood, not make sausage out of it. I am well aware that it is a typical liberal impulse to ignore what the Good Book says in pursuit of one's prurient and epicurean interests, but it is absolutely clear that eating blood is an abomination on par with menstruating women, lobsters and and gay sex.

One can only conclude that the Greater British fondness for the dish can only be traced back to their human-sacrificing pagan ancestors, and perhaps even a flaw in their cultural identity.

It is this disconnect with Godly living that probably makes the British and the car-bombing Irish in particular more prone to being drunkards as a means of escape from their sin filled lives and bad dentistry.

If only our own ancestors had listened to the admonition of the Mayor of Rock Ridge, "OK, we will take the blacks and the chinks, but we ain't taking no stinking Irish!". It is probably that one third of the population of which you speak that is at fault for our current moral decay and Democratic majority in Congress.

I for one see your blatant promotion of this abominable dish as just another anti-Christian, liberal attempt to destroy the moral fabric or our society and outlaw prayer, just like you all are trying with that gay wedding-ing.
So for defending you against all liberal scourges, foreign and domestic, you're welcome America.

Your Humble Servant,
Rob R. Baron ~ Esquire

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

JunkScience.Com: America's Defender Investigating Liberal Distortions Overall

Dear America,
There was a discussion over at Kentucky Progress about JunkScience.com's offer of $100,000 for definitive proof that global warming is manmade. I kind of think its obviously just a publicity stunt and a ploy because only liberals believe people cause global warming, and liberals hate money. It's like offering dog shit to a normal person, it won't be received very well. So I did some research and offered my own opinion of JunkScience.Com:
JunkScience.com is truly a fair and balanced source, unfettered by the dehabilitating mental disease of Liberalism.

I only need as proof all of their efforts to "debunk" the debunker:
Steve Milloy, shill

How Big Tobacco Helped Create "the Junkman"

In this article the silly libs get all bent out of shape for Milloy getting all Coulteresque on one of their favorite liars/wealth redistributionists. (my pet name for so-called America hating environmentalists)

Some crazy Mooney has written a book trying to debunk him and other good conservative scientists, or "Truth-Tellers" as like I like to call them.

Some liberal clings to the notion that Rachel Carson was not a communist trying to destroy our way of life and give us malaria as part of some secret WHO population control program.

Slate is even attacking the Mutual Fund (Free Enterprise Action Fund) Milloy runs.

I say we show those stinking liberals we will not be fooled and invest all of the (hopefully privatized Social Security) money we can into the Free Enterprise Action Fund where we can fight liberal lies and get rich doing it, all the while laughing while the solar cycle starts to cool and we won't have won't have hurricanes anymore, or whatever was going to happen anyway regardless of human intervention.
So America, please join me in welcoming the addition of JunkScience.Com as the newest member of the much coveted "Us" list. And for exposing you to this much needed source of liberal debunkerism, you are welcome.

Your Humble Servant,
Rob R. Baron ~ Esquire

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Mormonism: Apostate Abomination Worse than Homosexuality?

Dear America,
Grimsaburger(Suspected Liberal Sympathizer), my pet liberal, posted on her blog a complaint about the workers next door blasting Rush Limbaugh. Most reasonable people would be grateful. She was not, I can only infer from that that this must be her time of the month. She claimed that Rush, or someone, was "bitching about Mormons". I did not hear the show described but tried to correct her opinion about it anyway.
I for one, would be glad to listen to Rush bitch about the Mormons. Its about time if you ask me. You know anybody can go off against gay people (or Democrats). They're a bunch of wussy sissies. It's not like they fight back in anyway beyond barbing criticism of what you are wearing.

But nobody hardly ever says anything about the Mormons, who fundamentally commit scriptural abominations and are probably where gays got the original inspiration for "redefining marriage". Their apostasy is far more abominable than any dirty man sex. Yet we still allow THEM to get married and raise and indoctrinate kids into their sorry, hellbound, wicked lifestyle.

Anyone who would want more than one wife has got to be a little off in the head anyway. Michael Savage ought to write a book about Mormonism being a Mental Disorder.
For keeping ever diligent against the mounting Mormon scourge, you are welcome America.

Your Humble Servant,
Rob R. Baron ~ Esquire

Friday, July 06, 2007

Prosper.com: A Boon to the Small Time Borrower and Prospective Investor or A Back Door To Communism?

Dear America,
I just wanted to report upon a growing menace that threatens our very economic existence. Here is an adaptation of a post I made over at Kentucky Progress, my favorite Kentucky political blog:

The liberals over at NPR had a story about Prosper.com. I was only listening to document their elitist liberal bias and their treasonous bad mouthing of the president, I swear!

But it is apparently some wacky scheme where people who want to borrow money put up listings for loan amounts and the interest rate they are willing to pay and people who want to lend money and can accept the possible risk can bid on partially or fully funding those loans.

At first I thought what a neat way to let capitalism work in a problem space such as this (we were discussing pay-day loan companies). But then I realized that since it was on NPR, I can only think this is some kind of back door ploy to get communism into our banking industry. It sounds a little too "From each according to his ability, to each according to his needs"-ish if you ask me. They are probably trying to destroy our sub-prime lending industry from the inside out and take our economy down with it so they can redistribute our wealth. The liberals can be so tricky at times, we must be ever vigilante!

These lefties are practically stealing money that rightfully belongs to Chase and Citibank, given how much money those two both pay our Congressmen to make sure they have every possible advantage over the plebes they make their money off of.

But I thought you might find it interesting, if you haven't already heard about it.

So for exposing Prosper.com as the shameless bunch of Communist who are trying to destroy our banking industry, you are most certainly welcome America.
Your Humble Servant,
Rob R. Baron ~ Esquire

UPDATE: Mr. Progress (Kentucky) kindly responded:
Rob, as much as I admire your diligence, slow down just a little bit. What you describe sounds like a free market solution. Lay off the NPR for a few weeks, will you?

"Lay off the NPR"? Always good advice KP, that's always good advice. - RRB

A rare and most sincere apology: My virtuous conscience compels me to apologize to the fine folks at Progress Software Corporation (NASDAQ: PRGS) whose URL of Progress.com I had previously mis-identified as this imminent commie threat. I'm sure they do swell work, and since they are listed on the stock exchange, must be nice and successful people, with access to more lawyers than I would care to shake a stick at, even though most lawyers are Democrats. So please keep them in mind if you ever need some data infrastructure products or some service oriented business applications developed and deployed.

Question: Are Liberals Really to Blame For Our Immigration Woes? Answer: Abso-freekin'-lutely.

Dear America,
I recently commented on the immigration debate and tried to engage one of my fellow conservatives, one Mr. Red Rage Hate Monger. This was concerning a bill introduced in Kentucky to penalize those that hire illegal immigrants.
red rage hate monger had this to contribute...

I noticed today that there's hundreds of them that come out at dusk and hang out at all these new county parks around the state.

The county sheriffs ignore them instead of rounding them up and shipping them back to California to the liberals that turned them loose on us to begin with.

I replied:
Come now, Red Rage Hate Monger, do you really think there are enough gainfully employed or business owning liberals to have "turned them loose on us"? That would imply they were not sitting around on their sofas, smoking the dope, and waiting on their welfare checks to arrive from the federal government. Nope, they are coming here to work for people who have jobs to offer, and conservatives are the only choice between liberals and conservatives when it comes to owning a business that involves hiring people and doesn't involve hemp string and beads.

Liberals just want to hand out checks, they don't actually want to "pay" money in exchange for labor because it is so against the grain of the communistic and aetheistic ideal that they are striving for, so naturally they are not suited to owning businesses.

While we can certainly blame liberals for wanting to give illegal immigrants hugs and free money, they are actually "unleashed" by conservative business owners fighting to keep wages down so that we consumers don't have to pay as much for our goods.

What we need to do is to try and make Americans happier with less money and lower standards of self-actualization. Only when Americans are happy making the same thing they did thirty years ago, will conservative business owners not have to resort to hiring illegals to keep the unions out of their workforce.

When an illegal gets hurt on the job, you just pay him for the day and then send him on his way, hopefully back to Mexico, but probably down to the nearest schoolyard to sell reefers to the little children. When it's an American, you have to worry about lawsuits, worker's compensation, then you have to find a way to fire them that doesn't look like it was just because they had outlived their use fullness.

But the more I think about it, the more I see the whole immigration problem actually IS the fault of liberals, cause they had liberal activists judges and labor union lobbiests make it harder to employ Americans by defining some onerous standards about how workers can be treated. With all the rules and regulations heaped upon the poor small businessman by liberals in our government, it is no wonder that the noble people running America's business have turned to dirty and unclean Mexicans that they are in no way accountable for.

BTW, most of these Mexicans are Papists, who bow to a Roman dictator. Their allegiance is not to the US or even Mexico, but to this theistic despot with over a billion followers under his command. Here we have a world leader who supports terrorists by saying we should stop killing them, and pull out of Iraq. I can only hope that our troops are not allowed to be demoralized by that man's words. Perhaps he should be next on Pat Robertson's list of leaders to "Take-Out", right behind Chavez.
So for reminding those that Know Nothing about what this debate is all about, your welcome America.

Your Humble Servant,
Rob R. Baron ~ Esquire

Friday, June 15, 2007

Wal-Mart, the Solution to Our Health Care Woes? or Ain't No Freaking Way That's Gonna Happen

Dear America,
Below is a response to the Kentucky Progress Blog Entry "WalMart Shoppers Should Demand Health Reform".

Mr. Progress,
Do you think they will have the production of diagnoses moved over to China once they have determined that diagnoses from American sources are less cost efficient?

That would make good sense. Chinese doctors are not hampered with malpractice insurance fees, and they do have an overabundant supply of organs to be donated to people who need them.

But even if they don't do this, they still might have problems managing the staff in their clinics. Like when one of their doctors wants to take off to go on one of those Pharmaceutical Company Sponsored Golf outings, and it might mean overtime for another doctor, they just can't put the doctor who wants off on the night shift until he quits like they might do to a dairy manager. They won't be able to lock doctors in the building overnight until they are finished seeing patients although they will probably have them on salary so they won't be able to complain about uncompensated overtime.

For Wal-mart to get into the health care industry may require a complete change in their corporate culture, where they may have to change the way they look at their employees. They can't just look at a Doctor as one of the expendable pods who stock their shelves, they actually will need to make an actual investment in a human being that doesn't sit on their board of directors.

It is in this area I think they will fail as they have absolutely no experience with retaining an employee with actual skills that other businesses may be willing to pay more for or providing the benefit packages that professionals such as Doctors and nurses are used to.

I actually know some of the folks who worked at Walmart.com (which was actually a buyout of a failed tool seller from the dotcom bubble) and what does Wal-mart do for the computer programmers there? They put security cameras in their cubicles and made them pay for the pencils they used and the coffee they drank and to really rub their face in the pile of poo that their job had become they made them do The Wal-Mart Cheer.

Of course, when they all raised hell and threatened to walk off the job, in a rare "pro-labor" move the suit responsible for those changes was promptly fired. But the "Bob" who replaced him would probably have done the same thing, and I will be damn surprised if they don't try to get someone who spent a decade of his life earning a title in front of his name to shake his ass while yelling "Squiggly!"*.

*For those uninitiated to The Wal-Mart Cheer, "Squiggly" is what they yell when they get to the "~" between 'l' and 'M'. And yes, you are supposed to shake your butt when you scream it or you are just not a "team player".
KP's Reply:
Maybe, Rob, but I think they will probably just run it like their optical centers and pharmacies.

Probably accurate, but oh-so BORING. I guess my biggest problem with Wal-Mart is that its blatantly unfair that poor people can go there and pay less for things that cost twice as much as Neiman-Marcus. So for exposing the dangers of Wal-Mart to an unsuspecting populace, Your Welcome America,

Your Humble Servant,
Rob R. Baron ~ Esquire

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Defending the Honor of Christopher Columbus

Dear America,
You may have noticed in my list of "Them", links there is one for "Suspected Liberal Sympathizer". This is a charity case that I have taken on, a poor dear deluded woman who thinks her place in life is to become one of those despicable people that David Horowitz is always trying to warn us against. I am afraid it is all for naught, as she, like you America, doesn't seem either capable or willing to do what is best for her. I normally just try to constructively prod her in the right direction, but it is mostly beating a dead horse. But still I try, like today when she had the audacity to link Columbus with genocide in a glib passing phrase. I was not having it.
Ms. Grimasburger,
You more than anyone should know that any correlation between Columnbus and genocide is simply the work of liberal Historical Revisionists and Ivory Tower Liberal Elites.

You probably don't watch Fox News so you are probably not aware that all this talk about genocide by Columbus is simply liberals trying to always depict white men as criminal degenerates, while at the same time elevating the relevance and accomplishments of minorities and women to a similar stature as those who actually built this country into what it is today.

This is so they can make the writings of Marx and Hitler equivalent to Madison and Jefferson and the books by the Marquis de Sade to be equivalent to the Bible.

Liberals, because they hate America for some self-loathing reason, want school children to think that our founding fathers were scumbags so they always talk about things like raping, killing, slavery, and locking women up in mental institutions for wanting to vote and not the steady march of progress that has brought us where we are today. Or rather to the 1950's when everything was right with America and everyone knew there place.

That was before the liberals had to stir things up, interloping into other people's voting standards, demoralizing our military, and perhaps worst of all, making contraception legal and decriminalizing sodomy.

Now they want us to not celebrate Columbus day! Well, I am here to tell you that this holiday means a great deal to our fellow Italian Americans, much as those Irish love the St. Patrick's Day (never mind that the lack of snakes available to hunt plague bearing rats probably brought more death to Ireland than snakes ever would have. Heck the Irish who die from alcohol poisoning on any given St. Patrick's day is probably more than would have ever died from snakebite.)

So while I wouldn't want any Italians living in my neighborhood (they are after all gangsters and papists who bow to a Roman dictator), I can not idly stand by and watch you smear this great segment of our population along with their greatest hero ( or rather their greatest hero who wasn't a fag).

And trust me, you don't want some WOPs pissed off at you. Especially if you breed race horses.
She later acknowledges my forsight:
Ah, Mr. Baron, you never let me down. Especially the part about the Marquis de Sade and the Bible. It's taken decades for anyone to discover it, but you've identified the most important secret foundations of the Liberal Atheist Homosexual Feminist agenda! Bravo!
I KNEW IT!!!!!!!

So for defending the discoverer of this country, even if he was 300 years too early to be a real American AND for discovering and exposing some of the lesser known but more nefarious underpinnings of liberalism, you are welcome America.

Your Humble Servant,
Rob R. Baron ~ Esquire

Sunday, June 10, 2007

Hilton Head Island, Heaven on Earth

Dear America,
I have just returned from a most fabulous time at a most fabulous place: Hilton Head Island, South Carolina. Not only does South Carolina have the most active organization for re-Separation from the Godless morass that America has become thanks to the Liberals and their islamist conspirators, but they have also established within Hilton Head, SC, the time honored tradition of exlusionism based upon your own personal achievement index, which silly liberals might not realize is an allusion to your wallet.

A good portion of the island is covered with these private gated communities that keep out everybody who doesn't belong. The Mexicans you hire at Lowes and Home Depot have to be granted access prior to their arrival. Even if you have friends who are staying at some of the less swanky accommodations, you can hide from their poor asses inside of your sweet villa.

The security guards won't let them in, unless they are staying there. And if they aren't staying there, they are probably some skanky ass poor person who would be bringing every body down. I think the guards at The Shipyards are particular eager to give the Rodney King treatment to anybody who might want to just "come visit". If you are so condemned as to having to bring your mother in law with you, you can stay at The Shipyards, put her up somewhere else, and then their security team mace her if she so much as even tries to come by where you are staying.

Hilton Head, South Carolina is a proud reminder of what America is supposed to be about. A place where poor people can feel uncomfortable and minorities can still feel like minorities. Like the title says Heaven on Earth.

My only wish is that they would please just do something about those damn dolphins. My wife was swimming out on the beach and some dolphins came very close to her. I can only hope she is not tainted from their rampant homosexuality and lack of monogamy. Tuna just hasn't tasted the same since they started keeping the dolphins out of it.

So please America, take Hilton Head SC as a model of what we need to become. A town where the sun had better not set on your smelly Mexican ass, and if you don't have five dollars and a car to get to Harbor Town, well you probably shouldn't even be trying to get there. A week in this place is what my tax cut got me, what did your Earned Income Credit get you, dirtbag? You Democratic Majority Electing Scum.

Your Humble Servant,
Rob R. Baron ~ Esquire

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

A Woman Doing a Man's Work, Getting Paid Less, then Having the Balls to Say Something About It = Feminazism

Dear America,
I was reconnoitering the the diabolitry of suspected liberals when I came upon this one's latest rant on a recent Supreme Court decision. Yeah liberal, guess what? Activist Judges go both ways! Constitutional Constructionism is a bitch. Hope you enjoy having this shoved down your throat like I've had Gay Tolerance shoved down mine!

Mrs. Grimasburger, one thing you conveniently left out of the story was that the woman was on her period for a quarter of the time she worked there, at least until her womb dried up. I think that entitles her to 1/4 less pay.

You, being the Godless Secular Fundamentalist Ivory Tower Liberal Elite that you are, probably do not know that Bible identifies menstruating women as unclean and having sex with one is an abomination that is akin to having sex with another man. Men aren't even supposed to touch them.

But I would bet that not one man at that Goodyear plant ever complained about her defiling them one week out of each month and this is how she shows her gratitude. With lawsuits.

Since I have come over hear to school you on the conservative perspective let me also take this opportunity to comment on your previous post on "the pill".

The problem with the pill and with the HPV vaccine and even with convenient availability of condoms is this: Women are whores. By there very nature if they could just go around having sex without fear of disease or childbirth, they would be going at it like rabbits all the time with anybody and whoever comes along.

Pat Robertson has already exposed this whole feminism and equal rights thing as something that makes woman want to leave their husbands, become lesbians, practice witchcraft and vote Democratic.

You are playing with fire.

May Hannity be praised and Colmes be damned!
Rob R. Baron ~ Esquire

Apparently, Ms. Grimsaburger saw some of the wisdom in my eneffable logic. She responded:
Mr. Baron, I can see that you and former Speaker Gingrich agree on one thing at least--women are unfit for most duties because of their "monthly hemorrhage" (Gingrich noted this specifically in reference to women in the military)...P.S. you've given me much to think about Re: witchcraft and lesbianism. Don't tell my priest or my husband, or me for that matter. Who knows what I'd do without the guiding influence of the patriarchy!
For straightening out the possibly-redeemable libs when I can, Your Welcome America!

Your Humble Servant,
Rob R. Baron ~ Esquire

Monday, April 30, 2007

The Final Solution for the Liberal "Problem"

Dear America,
I know that you have been eagerly jonesing for my next pearls of wisdom like a crack whore in Utah, but as I like to listen to the words in the Good Book when it's convenient, I have not been throwing my pearls before a bunch of Democrat-Electing swine. I decided not to bother enduring the great personal sacrifice that my carpal tunnels would have to endure documenting all of the treasonous warcrimes and terrorist comforting that the Democrats will be doing until 2008. When they find time somewhere between raising everybodies' taxes, outlawing Christianity and trying to take our guns away from us, that is.

Luckily, for you America, there are others out there more forgiving of your political adultery. Like my dear friends over at Shelley The Republican, of course. I must confess sometimes her exposes' on the misdeeds of liberals makes me so mad, I just don't want to even think about them. But I recently stumbled upon another Conservative Warrior's blog, one that doesn't just talk about liberals, but actually has a plan for what to do with them.

I am proud to add LiberalsMustDie.com to my list of "Us" under the title of The Cure for Liberalism. They are doing a lot of good work over there, and I hope when you come crying to me, offering to suck my dick for just a taste of my Conservative Wisdom, you can just click on their link and choke on it, You Democrat-loving Bitch.

Your Humble Servant,
Rob R. Baron ~ Esquire