Sunday, June 10, 2007

Hilton Head Island, Heaven on Earth

Dear America,
I have just returned from a most fabulous time at a most fabulous place: Hilton Head Island, South Carolina. Not only does South Carolina have the most active organization for re-Separation from the Godless morass that America has become thanks to the Liberals and their islamist conspirators, but they have also established within Hilton Head, SC, the time honored tradition of exlusionism based upon your own personal achievement index, which silly liberals might not realize is an allusion to your wallet.

A good portion of the island is covered with these private gated communities that keep out everybody who doesn't belong. The Mexicans you hire at Lowes and Home Depot have to be granted access prior to their arrival. Even if you have friends who are staying at some of the less swanky accommodations, you can hide from their poor asses inside of your sweet villa.

The security guards won't let them in, unless they are staying there. And if they aren't staying there, they are probably some skanky ass poor person who would be bringing every body down. I think the guards at The Shipyards are particular eager to give the Rodney King treatment to anybody who might want to just "come visit". If you are so condemned as to having to bring your mother in law with you, you can stay at The Shipyards, put her up somewhere else, and then their security team mace her if she so much as even tries to come by where you are staying.

Hilton Head, South Carolina is a proud reminder of what America is supposed to be about. A place where poor people can feel uncomfortable and minorities can still feel like minorities. Like the title says Heaven on Earth.

My only wish is that they would please just do something about those damn dolphins. My wife was swimming out on the beach and some dolphins came very close to her. I can only hope she is not tainted from their rampant homosexuality and lack of monogamy. Tuna just hasn't tasted the same since they started keeping the dolphins out of it.

So please America, take Hilton Head SC as a model of what we need to become. A town where the sun had better not set on your smelly Mexican ass, and if you don't have five dollars and a car to get to Harbor Town, well you probably shouldn't even be trying to get there. A week in this place is what my tax cut got me, what did your Earned Income Credit get you, dirtbag? You Democratic Majority Electing Scum.

Your Humble Servant,
Rob R. Baron ~ Esquire

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