Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Blood Pudding: A British Abomination and Liberal Plot

Dear America,
One of the liberals that I am currently monitoring recently asked this:
"Dear America,
How is it that roughly a third of your people claim some sort of Irish/Scots-Irish ancestry and yet you refuse to stock black and/or white pudding in your groceries?"
I know how you don't mind me speaking on your behalf. Here was my reply:
Well, I do speak for America, the real America, not the fake one that elects Democratic majorities, so I can tell you that it is because of our Judeo-Christian roots.

I am sure that you, as one of the ivory tower liberal elite, have little knowledge of scripture besides what is required to burn it so let me inform you what the Bible says about it:

"...the blood thereof, shall ye not eat." - Genesis 9:4

"Therefore I said unto the children of Israel, No soul of you shall eat blood, neither shall any stranger that sojourneth among you eat blood."

"So when any man from the sons of Israel, or from the aliens who sojourn among them, in hunting catches a beast or a bird which may be eaten, he shall pour out its blood and cover it with earth."

"For it is the life of all flesh; the blood of it is for the life thereof: therefore I said unto the children of Israel, Ye shall eat the blood of no manner of flesh: for the life of all flesh is the blood thereof: whosoever eateth it shall be cut off."
- Leviticus 17:12-14

"For it seemed good to the Holy Ghost, and to us, to lay upon you no greater burden than these necessary things; That ye abstain from meats offered to idols, and from blood, and from things strangled, and from fornication: from which if ye keep yourselves, ye shall do well" - Acts 15:28-29

Notice it says to pour out the blood, not make sausage out of it. I am well aware that it is a typical liberal impulse to ignore what the Good Book says in pursuit of one's prurient and epicurean interests, but it is absolutely clear that eating blood is an abomination on par with menstruating women, lobsters and and gay sex.

One can only conclude that the Greater British fondness for the dish can only be traced back to their human-sacrificing pagan ancestors, and perhaps even a flaw in their cultural identity.

It is this disconnect with Godly living that probably makes the British and the car-bombing Irish in particular more prone to being drunkards as a means of escape from their sin filled lives and bad dentistry.

If only our own ancestors had listened to the admonition of the Mayor of Rock Ridge, "OK, we will take the blacks and the chinks, but we ain't taking no stinking Irish!". It is probably that one third of the population of which you speak that is at fault for our current moral decay and Democratic majority in Congress.

I for one see your blatant promotion of this abominable dish as just another anti-Christian, liberal attempt to destroy the moral fabric or our society and outlaw prayer, just like you all are trying with that gay wedding-ing.
So for defending you against all liberal scourges, foreign and domestic, you're welcome America.

Your Humble Servant,
Rob R. Baron ~ Esquire